veritas

I remember it clearly. We were at a training outside of Ashgabat in one of those white marble buildings, and our group had been in country for a month maybe more. I was ill, as usual. In the bathroom, dreaming of toilet paper, soap and a plumbing system that actually worked. Stephanie York and I were chatting casually, when she said, "Well, you have to be a little bit masochistic to stay (in country)."

She walked out the door. And I was left staring in the mirror, asking myself ridiculously - Did I have what it took? Could I last? Was I masochistic enough to stay?

And of course, we know how it played out. I was placed in Ashgabat, working at two sites and living the Turkmen PCV's dream, a taxi drive away from the zip bar.

But while in country and since I have been back, I have been shocked by Turkmen PCV's dismissal of my service as somehow insignificant because I lived in the capital city of the Central Asian, authoritarian, post-soviet state. But the truth of the matter is PC Turkmenistan is characterized by self-proclaimed badasses whose legitimacy is based on the severity of their site. It has somehow become a competition of the most afflicted and miserable, whose sites were marked with the most deprivation and severity. A competition of masochism. Absurdity.

The sad fact of the matter is that we all suffered and we all competed through our suffering. It was a measure to get by and to somehow (seemingly inversely) justify our presence as volunteers in the harsh country. To compare our services to others gives our own experiences worth, weight and meaning. But the buck should stop there.

To insist that a service was insignificant, or somehow less-than, because of residence in "cosmopolitan" Ashgabat is idiocy. Life in Ashgabat was hardly similar to the vacation destination it suddenly became when volunteers spent an entire month's salary getting drunk and flirting with hookers at the Ak Disco. No, actual life in Ashgabat did not involve Yimpash, discos, excessive alcohol, or anything remotely western. In reality, Ashgabat was a complex web of mixed ethnicities, societies and cultures and an increasing majority of Tekke Turkmen. All of this required careful navigation and acute (sober) social intuition.

I could go into detail of the specific hardships I endured and compete for first place in this parade of misery, but I won't. It was the path I chose, and as a bonafide masochist I accept that road as I accept yours. It was tough. Let's leave it at that and stand proudly together as proud PCVs returned from the edge of the Earth.